


Trust in me

by katedison



Category: The Bold Type
Genre: Angst, F/F, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 05:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14442675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katedison/pseuds/katedison
Summary: Kat has a hard time allowing herself to be vulnerable around other people. She is working on it.





	Trust in me

**Author's Note:**

> this was inspired by the prompt "It was amazing, really, how much different she was when she learned she didn’t always have to be so strong." I don't know where the prompt is from, i'm sorry!

Kat has always hidden her emotions. Expressing herself has always left her feeling exposed and vulnerable. She often feels as if what she’s disclosed to the other person could somehow be used against her in some way, even if it was a small, mundane thing she had revealed. It’s not that she has trust issues, _it isn’t_ , it’s just that she doesn’t… trust people. So, she is a little guarded. She’s never met a person she could be completely at ease with. Not even in the presence of Jane and Sutton did she feel like she could let go of all her inhibitions. They are her favorite people in the world, but she is still holding something back. Constantly acting strong, maintaining a facade that rarely broke, never letting herself feel too much. It is all part of who she is. And the girls know that, have known for almost as long as they’ve known her. But here’s the thing. Adena doesn’t know this part of her, doesn’t know how much Kat holds back. How hard it was for her to even admit that she liked Adena to herself; how much harder it had been to tell her that.

Kat can feel how her inability to give all of herself is affecting Adena. She knows the other woman is trying to be patient with her. But Kat also knows that before their relationship, Adena had been with Coco for three years. She had probably gotten used to the familiarity, the easy companionship you get after knowing someone for a long time. Adena has a lot to adjust to, too, and she’s doing a much better job than Kat is.

“Kat,” Adena calls softly, drawing Kat out of her own thoughts. “What’s going on? Are you alright? You’ve been so quiet tonight.”

“Are you implying I talk too much?” Kat asks teasingly, eyebrows raised, lips curved into a smile. “I’ll have you know I talk the appropriate amount, never say more or less than is necessary for any given situation.”

Adena huffs at her, rolling her eyes affectionately, “Sure, love.”

Just as Kat thinks, she’s successfully managed to steer the conversation away from what’s been bothering her, Adena’s face turns serious, her lips pursing, brows furrowing, and says, “Kat…”

“I’m fine, Adena,” responds Kat, turning her attention back to the movie they’d been watching, jaw clenching slightly. “Just tired, is all.”

Kat can feel Adena’s eyes on her as she scrutinizes her face, she adamantly forces herself not to meet her gaze.

A few minutes pass with Adena looking at Kat and Kat fake-following the movie that’s streaming, before Adena sighs, and scooches closer to Kat, grabbing her hand and cuddling close to her. Kat’s arm moves around Adena on its own accord, drawing Adena closer to her. Kat makes herself more comfortable on the couch, and slowly releases the breath she’d been holding. Adena lifts her head from where it had been resting on Kat’s shoulder and gives her a knowing look. With a soft smile, she tells Kat, pseudo-sternly and with more dramatic flair than is needed, “Don’t get too comfortable; this isn’t over.”

She presses her lips against the underside of Kat’s jaw and turns back to the movie. Kat stares at the top of her head, awestruck for a moment, swallow the lump that’s suddenly appeared in her throat, realizing how much she cares for the woman in her arms. She tightens her hold around Adena, kisses her forehead, and rests her head against Adena’s as she focuses on the movie again, this time actually paying attention.

֍֍֍֍֍

“You’re gonna have to trust me eventually.” Adena says, not looking in her direction, her head resting on the back of the couch, her gaze fixed on the ceiling.

“Adena, I– “ Kat starts, meaning to tell Adena that she _does_ trust her.

“It’s okay,” interrupts Adena, voice gentle and kind, understanding. She turns her head slightly, so she can see Kat from the corner of her eye. “It’s okay.” She repeats.

Kat feels bad. She wants to open to Adena, she wants them to have a trusting, open relationship, but she has no idea how to do that, doesn’t know how to allow herself to be vulnerable with another person, doesn’t know how to quell the instinct to put on a brave face and say _everything is fine_.

 “I don’t wanna pressure you into doing anything you don’t want, Kat, just know that you can talk to me. About whatever.” She pauses for a few seconds, hand reaching out towards Kat. A small smile appears on her face when Kat grabs onto her dangling hand and intertwines their fingers together. “I can tell something has been bothering you lately, so when– if– you ever feel like you need to talk about it, I’m right here.”

Kat is breathing more heavily now than she’d been before, and Adena shifts her gaze back up to the ceiling, figuring that Kat feels more comfortable being emotional when no one is looking at her. Minutes pass in silence. Kat has both hands around Adena’s one hand, rubbing her thumbs against the skin of Adena’s slender hand.

“Nothing is wrong.” Kat says eventually, and her voice is small, fragile. She almost sounds scared.

Adena closes her eyes and lets out a small sigh. She makes to get up, but Kat tightens her grip on Adena’s hand. Adena looks over at her questioningly and finds the other woman staring intently at their linked hands.

“No, I mean…nothing is wrong, and it’s too much. Everything is just too much.” Kat’s gaze moves from their hands and around the room, uncertain. “I’m constantly on the verge of freaking out, afraid that I’m gonna fuck this up somehow, and I don’t want to do that. That’s the last thing I want.” Her eyes lock onto Adena’s face for a brief second before they’re moving again, landing on the table before moving to the window, the floor, anywhere but Adena.

Adena takes in the flickering emotion on Kat’s face, “You’re scared.” She states softly, squeezing Kat’s hand.

Kat takes a moment to just breathe, gain control of her spiraling feelings, “yeah.”

“Me too.”

Kat’s wide eyes focus on her almost immediately, “What?”

“I am scared,” Adena says with a shrug. “This is all new to me, too, in a different way than it is to you obviously, but every relationship is unlike the last one and works differently than any other relationship has. It’s okay to be scared, but that should drive you.”

֍֍֍֍֍

It’s slow going, but Kat learns how to put herself out there, how to trust Adena with her insecurities, even the ones that aren’t related to Adena. She learns how to lean on Adena, and how to make herself available so that Adena can do the same with her. The shift in their relationship is notable. It had always been easy between them, but the change has made it even easier somehow. Kat feels content in her own skin, feels comfortable enough to be real with Adena, tell her what she’s thinking without fear that her thoughts and feelings will somehow be used against her. She feels lighter, too, like life isn’t so heavy.

֍֍֍֍֍


End file.
